So Larry observes that it is Doppelganger week on Facebook. You clowns pick out a celebrity that you’re supposed to look like and you put it up as yourself. Well, some of you scumbags need to invest in a fucking mirror, cause god damn. Oh, and Larry knows who’s kidding, and who’s not. Larry can promise you that 99% of the sorostitutes on Facebook look nothing like Lauren Conrad or Kristin Cavalleri  (exhibit A).

≠

Just because you both have blonde hair and rotten crotches it does not mean you get to force upon us your idea that you resemble Britney Spears. And if you are going to do this, you better put a recent picture of Britney (post impregnation by Larry), and not from the “Oops I did it again” years because it angers Larry when dirty skanks pose as his ex squeeze. Larry didn’t spend 3 years in the shadows and bushes outside of her mansion with a bottle of chloroform in one hand and the other at a steady stroke keeping his mangirth at ¾ mast, so Larry was ready to roll if the opportunity presented itself. Larry won’t have that memory cheapened by you.

Larry wants to get back on track. Please explain to Larry just what your plan is by putting up this deceit? All someone has to do is click on your photos and in seconds you’re revealed to by a big fat slovenly softball player. Instead of getting pity from the person on the other end, instead of them seeing your picture and thinking “Aww, this is one ugly skank. I feel sorry for her.”  They call all their friends together and go “Holy shit, this bitch actually thinks she looks like Hiedi Klum. I’ll bet some guy told her that so he could fuck her. HAR HAR HAR!”

You’re just setting yourself up for colossal failure. This stunt (cause that’s what it is, is a stunt) is no different than ugly and/or fat girls who take pictures at weird or funny angles to hide their fatness. This angers Larry. And when Larry is angry hookers disappear. So stop that. We’ve all seen that Myspace picture of the Blonde headed girl with big tits, and then when enlarged is exposed to be a fat ass beached whale (exhibit B).

Well that’s you. That’s exactly what you’re doing. Stop playing. Larry has some advice, because Larry likes to help. This is true advice, if you use this then I promise you will benefit.

Now, Larry knows he can’t make you pretty, only you can do that by not going to McDonalds for your bi-hourly  supersized No. 3 with DIET Coke (Oh wow, good work dipshit. 1400 calories instead of 1475 calories barreling through your intestinal tract. Well done. Just get the real Coke. Just fuckin go for it. The complete failure of logic here makes Larry’s blood boil. If you need diet coke…. Get the fuck outta McDonald’s dumbass! Larry could go on.) But what we can do is compare you to something uglier. Ehh? Larry is in innovator, no?

See, the problem with putting up pictures of some hot celebrity is that it’s a huge letdown because you can’t compare. You are trying hard to sell yourself as something that is prettier than you. Do you think Larry is stupid? Larry and friends will not see this picture and think “Hey, she DOES look like Jessica Simpon! “ Same logic for all of you that put up pictures of zoomed in face shot of you in a hoodie, coming from a 90 degree angle and set to black and white. Weird ass pictures are a red flag that you’re fugly and they hurt you more than help you. Larry will give you time to write that down. Larry’s plan is simple clowns. If you’re ugly, put up a picture a Rosie O’Donnell as your celebrity picture. Then people click expecting the worst. You are slightly better and a wave of relief floods over them. BAM. You’re a hero. Make it worse up front so it only gets better. Problem solved. Stop trying to treat Larry like he isn’t going to click through your pictures for something to fondle himself to, only to see that you are in fact not really Adriana Lima, just another skeeze with egg on a nail titties.