Larry was siphoning gasoline today. Larry does not own a vehicle, per say, but he does like to get high off the smell. So anyway, Larry was siphoning his Wednesday qouta when he couldn’t help but notice a little sticker that said “My child is an honor student at blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck face cunt hole elementary.” Larry knows we have all seen these stickers, and people need to understand something. No one gives a shit. NO ONE. Dumbasses that buy those stickers don’t even notice them on other people’s cars. People really need to understand that is absolutely NOT A BIG FUCKING ACCOMPLISHMENT. You wouldnt have a bumper sticker that read, “My kid tied his shoes today, then took a piss without drowning in the crapper.” Because that’s about the same difficulty level as fucking primary school honor roll. School is fucking easy as pie bitches, Larry knows. Larry has a PhD in anal creampies. Larry would like to see that fucking bumper sticker. “My kid is an honor student in topping off your daughter’s ass… with cum.” Now that’s the fucking spirit.

Some other bumper stickers that need to be fucking destroyed with extreme prejudice are as follows:

Piss on Ford/Chevy/Dodge/Cowboys/Yankees/yadda yadda fucking yadda. Get the fuck outta here with that shit you fucking rednecks. This is so fuckin dumb Larry doesn’t even know where to start. Ohhh shit!!! Billy badass thinks that Fords suck! Look at that, ya piss on those Fords! I better get out the fuckin way cause I’m in an F-150! God damn! What a statement! Once again, no one gives two heaping shits what your vehicle preference is cocksuck. NO ONE. A fuck, it does not make. Also, if there’s one thing Larry doesn’t know shit about… it’s business. But Larry is pretty sure if you’re gonna use Ford/Chevy/whoever’s likeliness on those stickers for profit, they get a cut. So your cool guy “Piss on you Chevy!” sticker just put YOUR money in GM’s pocket. Well played.

Another one would be Ain’t Skeered & No Fear. PS – Let Larry translate the “Ain’t Skeered” sticker in case you didn’t grow up in the south. It’s referencing “I’m not scared.” Yep that’s it. If see that, better watch your ass. The guy in that truck isn’t god damn scared, I’ll tell you that. What does this shit even mean. Ain’t Skeered? Of what? What does that shit mean?!?!? LAME!! If you feel the need to project your tough guy image to a bunch of anonymous assholes you pass on the freeway, then you have fucking problems. You probably fight at bowling alleys. Larry says fuck you. Larry has some news that might make you skeered. Your asshole is approx 1 inch wide. Larry’s dick has a 7 inch circumference. That’s some scary math friends. I’ll tell you what else is scary. Larry may or may not have contracted an aggressive strain of genital warts from his participation in a Vietnamese “Ping-Pong” show. Ya, Google that. Ain’t skeered now big boy?!?

Here is a fucking Doozie. “You Can’t Hug Children with Nuclear Arms.” Larry’s rants may be chock full of typos… but that my friends is legit. You read it right. You can’t hug children with nuclear arms. You also can’t hug children when your physical body has been reduced to ash because the United States disbanded its nuclear arsenal and was immediately buttfucked by radical nations. Nuclear weapons are a deterrent, leave them the fuck alone. Be joyous that we have more of them, and know that they actually keep us safe. It’s called Mutual Assured Destruction, and it works. Next.

Here is another. “If guns are outlawed… then only outlaws will shoot their kids.” Larry actually saw this one. Larry has only seen it once, so thank god the epidemic hasn’t spread. But it was bad enough to earn a spot here. Completely fucking retarded. This doesn’t even make sense. Larry doesn’t use guns, because he has a deep, deep appreciation for the great hero McGuyver, and Larry really hates kids. But this sticker is fucking shitty. Get better writers.

“God is my Co-pilot”  UUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. RAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! The other ones make Larry’s eyes roll… this one actually illicits rage. Oh really fuckface? Close your eyes and hammer the gas near a cliff. Let’s field test this mother fucker. I’ll bet you die. Fuck off. Larry wants a bumper sticker that consists of a picture of a car wedged underneath a semi-truck with carci (plural for carcass Larry thinks) strung about everywhere… with that car bearing the bumper sticker “God is my Copilot”. God isn’t helping you drive asshole. Life is just a mixture of skill, judgement, and random events thrown into a big pot and stirred around. Good luck scumbags.