So Larry sees that the Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland is erupting and stirring up some seriously nasty shit… like causing flights to be cancelled on Friday. Larry would like to be caught on record saying… “That is one mother fucking pussy ass volcano.” If an entire population isn’t buried in soot and hot burning lava, then it’s not a volcano and it’s not an eruption. Yes, Larry believes that is scientifically accurate. If you look up Volcano in the encyclopedia it will says “Prerequisiste – Must bury an entire population in soot and lava.”

Cool show. Is that dry ice? Weak.

So therefore, Larry will call you a geyser going off. Much more fitting. Yes, fuck you Eyjafjallajokull. Go hold hands with Old Faithful and fuck off in Wyoming somewhere you boring scumbag. That should be plenty of excitement for you two weiners. Shut down flights to Iceland for a day? That’s it? Vesuvius buttfucked Pompeii. Dante’s Peak made Pierce Brosnan run like a coward. Olympus watches Zeus fuck Aphrodite. You made Lufthansa reroute to Greenland. Jesus christ. Go sit in the fucking corner. I thought volcanos were supposed to be a carry the threat of extinction? Well Larry is fucking shaking let me tell you. Larry will tell you what you are. You are hole in the ground. You are Earth’s pussy(ies). If you ever want to upgrade your status in the public eye you need to bring the ruckus. Next, time just sink Iceland. They don’t produce anything, and Larry doesn’t know anyone from Iceland, so it’s cool. Just drop that mother fucker to the bottom of the Atlantic, then glare at Canada and pump fake it with your fist. That’s how you get some street cred. Larry should be a PR guru, no?

Psshhhh. We wish. Not in this case though, thanks for nothing Eyjafjallajokull.