As we all know by this point, Larry used to be Michael Jackson’s vocal coach.  Yeah, yeah, Larry’s famous…big fucking deal, let’s move on.

What most people don’t know is that Michael Jackson and Larry had a major falling out in the mid 90’s.

As we all know Larry is prone to hold a grudge.  Larry once held a life long grudge against his own grandmother because she bought creamy peanut butter when he had clearly stated his preference that she purchase crunchy. (It actually turns out that I hadn’t told her at all. I had just thought it in my head and not told anyone). After 30 years I was still so mad that I tried to choke her corpse at the funeral…took 4 grown men to get me off of her…and it’s alleged that I went for a tit grab.  “Alleged” clowns “alleged.”

After reading the following you’ll see why our poor victim Larry is glad Michael Jackson is dead and he might even make a case for why this terrorist should have died sooner.

Side note: Larry would have attended Michael Jackson’s funeral, but Larry has been banned from all cemeteries as he has a problem of grabbing titties of the deceased during the walk through of the open casket session…see above.  As a result he had to watch the funeral from a closed circuit TV.  It is alleged that maybe I did a pinching motion with my hand on the screen mimicking a tit grab.  Larry isn’t going to confirm or deny this, but he will say that he has fucking hooves.  You make the call clowns.  You think Larry was painted with an unfair brush?  Well then write your fucking senator. Can we move on?

The 5 Reasons Why Larry Is Glad That Cock Sucker Michael Jackson is Dead:
1. Michael Jackson stole ALL of his dance moves from old fleet footed Larry.
2. MJ was not a good friend.
3. Larry was highly offended that Michael never tried to touch Larry’s penis.
4. Michael Jackson started buying his drugs off of licensed doctors, cutting out the middle man…..Larry.
5. Michael openly ate bacon. “Not cool dog….not cool.”

1. Michael Jackson stole ALL of his dance moves from old fleet footed Larry.
Yeah, it’s true. Don’t believe me? Fuck you.  (Strike 1 Mike, you fucking guy)

2. MJ was not a good friend.
Larry doesn’t ask for much from people he’s exploiting, but he God damn sure demands that Larry never gets taken advantage of.  Fair enough, right clowns?

So here’s the story which is more or less true, at least some parts.  It was the mid 90’s and things are going great for us.  We are touring the world, making money hand over fist, dancing our asses off, and surrounded by more children than Toys R Us.

The Michael was touching all of those kids in their penis which obviously made MJ happier than a billy goat with two peckers.  Does Larry judge?  Noooo.  Does Larry help make the Jesus juice?  Yeeeees.  Does Michael Jackson appreciate this?  Nooo.  So, all Larry wanted to do was film Michael with a few children doing a penis touching or two.  This would have made an amazing sex tape for Michael and made a little coinage on the back end for old Lar.  We all saw what a sex tape Paris Hilton made. That is what Larry calls a win win situation.

No big deal, right?  You’re wrong clowns.  MJ goes on and on about how it could “ruin his career” and how it could be used against him in court.  I believe his exact words were, “That’s ignorant…you’re ignorant Larry.”   SO WHAT!!!  You selfish fuck.  You’re rich, you know Larry has an expensive whore and booze habit, and this is his chance to make a few thousand dollars, his chance to finally get his.  Help a friend out.  He refused.  This was strike fucking 2 with old Lar.  Larry’s patience grows thin like the whiskers on a walrus as he ages.  It was after this that I knew I would be glad when he died of a drug over dose exactly 15 years later.  Yeah, Larry knew when and how.  Let’s move on.

3. Larry is still scarred and deeply offended that Michael Jackson never tried to touch him in the penis.
Michael had a strict, “I don’t molest fat kids or black kids” policy. Larry obviously fell into both of these categories in his youth.  You clowns may not know it from looking at Larry’s ripped body now, but Larry once had a bit of a weight problem.  In Larry’s youth, he looked like a black Jaba The Hut.  I know it’s hard to believe, but believe it and let’s move on cause Larry DOES NOT repeat himself.  Maybe this is where Larry learned a hard lesson and adopted the same protocol  of “no fat chicks” when Larry was old enough to start banging whores at age 7.  (Despite my enjoyment in his death, Michael Jackson was a great mentor to Larry).

Even though Larry knew MJ never broke his “no molesting fat kids” rule, Larry hoped he would be the exception because of their close relationship.  After all Mike had stolen his dance moves at this point and Larry was his full time vocal coach and all around performance mentor.  Before you guys start letting your mind run wild with thoughts of, “I thought Larry was a master whore banger, I thought ole Lar slung that hog dick like a dope dealer slings that crack rock, I thought women lined up for blocks to ride the Larry meat train, is he really gay? Why is he so upset MJ wouldn’t molest him?”  Listen clowns.  Get your minds out of the gutter. Larry is a savage. Larry bangs whores on the reg.  However, while Larry is in no way a homosexual, I think we all know that from Larry’s time in the state penitentiary, Larry has grown quite fond of raping grown men.  For those of you out there that don’t know, write this down.  It’s not gay if you are raping them, everyone knows that clowns.

Now that we have that cleared up, let’s continue with why I fucking hate that rotting cock sucker Michael Jackson.  You see, Larry would have gladdly let Michael touch his penis and settled out of court for over 20 million.  Larry was a kid in the 90’s.  Larry made himself available to Mike.  Larry has a penis. Larry likes monies. Larry has been molested before.  Why not Larry?  Fuck you Mike, you fucking guy.  You know how hard it was for Larry to sit back and watch you molest all of Larry’s friends?  Do you know how many times I faked a nap in your bed and wore a cock ring to help accentuate my erection that “mysteriously” slid out of my robe when I slept in your bed? You couldn’t give Larry’s penis so much as a graze as you got up to go to the bathroom?  No.  You made Larry sleep on the floor while you molested ‘Down Syndrome Mark.’  You know how much it hurt Larry’s feelings to watch you molest a retard while you made Larry lay in the floor?

I had half a mind to sue your fucking ass anyway and make up a compelling story of rape and molestation, but when I shared my plan with Larry’s lawyer he laughed in Larry’s face and said, “Larry no one would believe that story.  Everyone knows MJ would never molest you.  You’re both fat and black.  It would never hold up in court, but we could…….”

Why did Larry’s lawyer trail off after the word could? Larry didn’t like his lawyers tone, so Larry went ahead and introduced him to a male on male sexual experience. Yeah I raped him.

Sadly, this ended Larry’s 2 continuous day streak of not raping a man.  Larry never had a consecutive streak last that long before the lawyer and it’s doubtful he’ll have a streak like that ever again.  That 2 consecutive day streak is like the freakish 84 game winning streak by the Oklahoma Sooners in the 1950’s.  It’s a freak occurrence never to be broken.

4. Michael Jackson started buying his drugs off of licensed doctors, cutting out the middle man…..Larry.

This is a double edged sword for Larry. On the one hand, Larry is furious that Michael Jackson started buying his drugs elsewhere, but on the other hand Larry is quite happy that Michael’s doctors killed him, being as he wouldn’t molest Larry and he stole his dance moves.

Why did Michael and Larry Pharmaceuticals stop conducting business you ask?  Larry’s glad you asked.  Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but basically Larry is solely responsible for Mike’s fake nose.  You see, everyone knows Larry moves a little product and that when Larry is on, he makes a nice spread, what of it?  The problem is that sometimes Larry’s supply dries up/Larry uses it all on himself to help dull the pain.  So, Larry had just been on a 3 day cocaine binder when Mike calls ol Lar and requests some nose candy.  Well Larry was out and said that if Larry didn’t come up with some quick, he would be forced to buy from someone else.

The conversation went something like this:
MJ:  “Larry P, Michael needs some nose clams you see.”
Larry:  “I’m out Mike.  You think you could just molest Larry this week and let that tide you over until I get a new supply next week.”
MJ: “You’re ignorant fat pig.  I need to get High!  You’re ignorant.  Get some now or I’ll get some from someone else. You better hurry. You’re ignorant.”
Larry: “Don’t threaten me Mike. Don’t you fucking go there.  Larry will make it happen.”

Well, Larry being out of nose candy, had to get his McGuiver on and get creative.  Born out of Larry’s creativity/laziness, Larry whipped up a concoction with the only thing he had laying around the house. Powdered laundry detergent.  Of course Larry charged MJ top price for this white powder.  Hey, these are fucking friends prices. You start giving your shit away for cheap and you set a bad precedence.  Larry Pharmaceuticals is a respectable brand.

Mike buys Larry’s product and immediately calls over “9 year old retard Mark” and sniffs a huge line off his boner. How was Larry supposed to know that laundry detergent with bleach can burn your fucking nose off? I’m not a fucking scientist I’m a fucking black pig.  Here’s an idea, maybe someone should ask me if I replaced the cocaine with bleach?

So I burn MJ’s nose off one time and sure enough he starts buying his drugs from someone else.

Well, fuck you Mike.  I may have burned your nose off, but I sure as fuck never killed you.  Oh, I planned to. Believe you me Larry had a plan, but you took the pussy way out because you were to scared to face Larry.  Who’s ignorant now mother fucker?  You fucking guy.

5. Michael openly ate bacon. “Not cool dog….not cool.”

You don’t see Larry running around eating dead ex black men who bleach themselves white do you? No.  Ok, sure Larry will occasionally partake in his one guilty pleasure of biting a whores nose or ear off, but they are alive you fucking guy.

Sooo, let Larry get this straight. You want Larry to come over and show you how his patented dance moves, you won’t molest him, you won’t buy drugs off of him, and you eat fucking pig right in front of him?  You had this death coming you fucking guy.

I can remember it like it’s yesterday.  Larry is in front of the mirror stretching his calves for a long day of teaching the moon walk, when Larry hears a sizzling sound in the kitchen. Larry walks into the kitchen to see a pan of sizzling bacon on the stove, Retard Mark sitting in his motorized chair at the dinner table, and Michael Jackson in the process of wrapping a freshly cooked piece of bacon around Retard Marks penis.

Larry storms in, kicks over the table and instantly accuses MJ of not only eating bacon, but also adding insult to injury by choosing to molest retard Mark again over Larry.

What was Michael Jackson’s response?

Larry: “How fucking dare you cock smoker.  You eat BACON in the presence of ol Lar?  You take it one step farther and molest retard Mark instead of me….AGAIN!!  I ought to bite your fucking nose off where you stan you mother of fuck!”

Michael Jackson:  “You’re ignorant…..it’s turkey bacon….you’re ignorant.”

Larry: (Bites MJ’s fucking nose off and molests retard Mark)

Turns out it was turkey bacon.  Well it’s a little late for that information and that’s hardly the fucking point, now is it?

In Summary
Fuck Michael Jackson.  I hope you enjoy burning in hell for stealing Larry’s dance moves, not being a good friend, never molesting Larry, buying your drugs elsewhere, and eating bacon. Who’s ignorant now?

(Larry would like to admit that Micheal Jackson – Butterflies kicks ass)

Burn in hell cock sucker.  Larry hopes the devil moon walks on your cock while wearing golf cleats.

P.S.
For those of you thinking “To soon…to soon.”

You know what you can go fuck…..That’s right….yourself. You wouldn’t be saying “to soon” if Michael Jackson had not “not”‘ molested you.

-Larry on the 1’s and 2’s